1. My new neighbor was devastated to find out his wife was having an affair, but, by turning to religion, he was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. He just converted to Islam, and so now they’re stoning her in the morning.
2. My other neighbor’s wife INSISTED that he get himself one of those penis enlargers, so he finally did just that. She's 25, enthusiastic, and her name is Sonya.
3. I went to our local bar with my wife last night. Locals started shouting "pedophile!" and other names at me, just because my wife is 24 and I'm 70. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.
4. My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand-job. I said "Son, that's three schools this year! You'd better stop before you're banned from teaching altogether."
5. The damn cost of living has now gotten so bad, that my wife is now only having sex with me, because she can't afford the batteries.
6. A man calls 911 and says "I think my wife is dead." The operator says, "How do you know?" The man says, "Well, the sex is about the same, but the ironing is really piling up!"
7. A guy was explaining to his wife last night that when you die, you get reincarnated; but you must come back as a DIFFERENT creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. He said, "Obviously, you haven't been listening!"
8. My neighbor’s wife has been missing a week now. The police said for him to prepare for the worst. So, he had to go right back down to Goodwill, to get all of her clothes back.
9. The Red Cross just knocked on my door and asked if we could contribute towards the floods in North Korea. I said, "We'd love to, but our garden hose only reaches the driveway."
10. WARNING!!! IF YOU GET AN EMAIL TITLED, "NUDE PHOTO OF HILLARY CLINTON,"PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE DON'T OPEN IT!
***** IT ACTUALLY CONTAINS, a nude photo of Hillary Clinton, AARRGH!!!